I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
