I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
