The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
