Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
