Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
