Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize