True but thats because hes a fetus.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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