I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
