Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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