she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
