I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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