Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
