She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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