i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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