i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
