My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
