I swear she didn't look like that last week.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
