This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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