I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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