Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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