How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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