i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
