It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
