If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize