"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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