who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
