I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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