i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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