Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
