Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
