whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
