im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
