no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
