You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
