the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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