I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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