roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
