I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
