3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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