I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You did what with his pubic hair?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
