that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sext me about skeletons
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize