Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
