If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
