i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
