I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
