Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
