I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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