Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
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