i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
