dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
