found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
