Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
