2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize