This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
