Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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