we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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