I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
