Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
