i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
