3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wish there were birth control emojis
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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