You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
