I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
