There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
