did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
