I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
