p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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