im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
