I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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