my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Drake has all the answers
Dicks are not precious.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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