Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
