how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
