its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
